


Irreplaceable

by victimofmywoes



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, POV Second Person, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-29
Updated: 2013-08-29
Packaged: 2017-12-25 01:35:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/947065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victimofmywoes/pseuds/victimofmywoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here you are seated beside the only person in the entire world who matters and you can't touch him. What's really worse is the fact that the man you love is too busy looking down and examining his boyfriend, watching him like he is his most precious person. AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Irreplaceable

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Naruto and all its characters are the property of Kishimoto Masashi.

"You're an egotistical, sadistic  _pig_ ," Naruto says as he finishes his orange juice and stands up. He gives you one last scathing glance but you continue sipping your coffee as if he hasn't spoken, as if those words didn't hurt like daggers.

You look at him and frown. "What?" you ask taking another sip. The look on your face is incredulous and then you roll your eyes and say, "You're always melodramatic." You watch him grab his bag from the chair and push the strap across his neck letting the long strap rest across his chest.

He just sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose with his index finger and gives you a look you can only interpret as disgust. He sighs and then puts a hand on the table making you look up quickly taking you by surprise. "You know what; I can't take this shit anymore. Let's break up."

You put down your cup now openly staring at him. "Now really -" you start but he puts up a hand to shut you up.

"You heard me Sasuke; I'm breaking up with you. Our relationship, our friendship everything ends here. Please do not try to contact me or see me again." With that he turns around and exits the café before you can say another word.

You just roll your eyes again thinking that once he cools his head he'll come back to you. The thought of make-up sex makes you smile against your coffee cup.

It's just a matter of time you think as you wait for Naruto to pick up the phone when it rings. You've been patient, given the man a week to cool his head and now you're at your limit thinking Naruto's going way overboard with this drama.

He never picks up.

You encounter him in the university the next day. Well basically you wait beside his locker and count the seconds till he gets there. Once you see him you entire being changes as happiness and relief wash over you when he comes towards his locker. And then he freezes when he sees you, takes an about turn and walks out of the building.

You frown and follow him intent on ending this little tirade then and there. "Naruto," you call after him making several heads turn and stare at the two of you in curiosity. You curse under your breath and run to catch up to him. "Slow down," you say when he's within earshot, "you're creating a scene." You grit your teeth as you grab his shoulder and turn him around.

He looks at you with something akin to irritation on his face and says, "Let go of me Sasuke," and shrugs his shoulder to ward off your hand as if it is a disgusting creature that crawled up there.

"Why the fuck are you avoiding me?" you ask your voice low as you cast a quick glance around to notice how many people are watching you.

He looks at you as if you you're some kind of a retard. "Why the fuck should I not?" he asks and you just look at him in shock. "We broke up Sasuke!" he says and that explains everything.

You roll your eyes unable to believe that Naruto is still harping about that. "Can't believe you're still talking about that!" you say sounding condescending.

Naruto's brow furrows in anger and you take his hand to lead him towards your car away from the little scene that has attracted quite a crowd. You know what Naruto needs and it is what you need too and for now a car should be able to suffice.

Midway Naruto jerks away his arm and you turn to look at him in anger now. "Sasuke this is enough!" he screams and you look around and grimace when the people continue looking at you and talking among themselves.

"Let's talk elsewhere please?" you say a little pleadingly but Naruto just shakes his head and crosses his arms.

"There is nothing left to say," he says and you sigh in anger.

"Naruto," there's an edge to your voice as anger laces in your tone and you shoot him a warning look. He looks adamant as he turns to walk back to the building. You huff in anger. "Fine," you shout at his retreating figure, "do whatever you want!" you say and stalk away.

It's not like you can't live without him or anything, you think as you light up a cigarette once you get into your car and drive to your apartment.

_Fucking asshole!_

The first month after the breakup goes in looking back at the relationship to determine who the guilty party was that caused the breakup. Was it you? Was it because you were arrogant? Was it because you rarely spoke to him about anything except for when it would be convenient for him to spread his legs or yours for that matter? Was it because you were always trying to show who the superior one in the relationship was? Or was it because you hated it if someone else did something like touch Naruto? You think about it, over and over. Was sex the only reason you two were together?

_No_ , the answer comes to you instantly. It wasn't just physical attraction that pulled you to him. There was more. Naruto's pleasant behavior in general, his voice, his talking style, his goofy animated gestures, the way he would ruffle his hair and grin idiotically…the list is endless. The three years you two have spent together since high school come back and haunt you, each living day, each night.

You want to touch him, feel his warmth on your skin, to hear your name spill from his lips. You yank your hair in agitation as you stand under the shower and let the hot water beat down on your skin.

You're angry at the way he broke up. Angry at the way he thinks he can call the shots and just drop the bomb on you. Even though you feel your insides are slowly wilting away and you literally feel like you're dying, it is pride alone that prevents you from picking up your phone and speed dialing him. How many hours have you sat just beside it each day just praying for it to ring? How many times have you just held the device in your hand checking it every two seconds for a call or even a mail? But not once,  _not once_ have you dialed his number to apologize. Not once have you bothered to even drop him a mail and tell him how you truly feel.

By the end of the second month, as you sit on the floor leaning against your bed with your head between your knees and clutch your chest while desolation grips you and chokes you slowly, you have only thought in mind:

_You have to get back with him._

Calling him on his phone doesn't work. He never takes the call and you're tired of hearing the recorded voice of the telecom service telling you to drop a voicemail after the beep. With as much dignity as you can muster, you make your way to his apartment after two months of the breakup. You look as morose and sad as you feel and ring the doorbell. You've prepared a little speech in your head and are even prepared to cry if the situation calls for it.

He's your best friend before being your lover and you really can't do without him. You know this in your heart, have always known it, and have always believed it. He's the only one who make you smile or laugh at the drop of a hat and the only one who can turn you inside out. You don't really know whether it's love or not but every time you're with him, there is this excruciating pain in your chest that makes you breathless.

Your heart pounds crazily in your chest as you hear the padded footsteps across the floor and a second later the knob turns and you look up with your heart in your eyes, anticipation all over your face to see a tiny redhead with cold green eyes clad only in a pair of tiny boxers with spiral print on them –  _Naruto's_ boxers you note; regarding you stoically. "What do you want," he asks folding his arms across his chest.

A second later, the person you've been  _dying_ to see makes his way to the door. You watch his tanned hand snake across the pale stomach of the redhead one eye opened as he mutters sleepily, "Who is it Gaara?"

You are possessed by the sudden urge to hit and just ball your hand into a fist keeping your anger in check like you've been taught since childhood. The Uchiha upbringing has drilled the ability to keep your emotions in check in you. You watch your  _ex-boyfriend_ peer up at you and the hand that had practically been draped around the redhead falls limply on the side giving you a bit of relief that does not last long because the redhead – _Gaara –_  wraps his arm around Naruto and kisses him.

_This is too much,_ you think and blindly you turn around before Naruto can move away from the passionate embrace and you make a run for it.

"Sasuke!" you hear Naruto call after you but you just run.

Your heart is beating crazily in your chest and you feel it might just explode so you clutch it tight and just run. It is not till you've reached the café that you both used to frequent that you see the droplets that run down your face and you wipe your cheeks only to have some more fall from your eyes. Crying takes you by surprise but it is that moment when the epiphany chooses to hit you that everything is over and you let all the emotions take over you as you lean against the brick wall beside the café and weep your eyes out.

Finally when the tears are all dried up and your throat feels numb, you wipe away the last vestige of tears from your eyes and make up your mind. You're going to move on and you're going to forget Naruto forever.

That night you hit the bar. You put on your best shirt and that black pair of jeans Naruto likes so much as you head down the steps towards thumping music and alcohol. You pull out a pack of smokes from your denim jacket and stick a cigarette in between your lips as you head to the bar. Before you actually make your way to the seats you cast a glance at the men and women there picking out the best candidate for the night.

The plan is simple, get someone suitable for the job, take them to the apartment gender be  _damned,_ fuck and then get rid of them.

What you are really seeking is Naruto's _replacement._

You can't think of another relationship right now because the previous one still hurts like a mean little bitch and you think that it's best to just lay low for the time being.

You spot a woman with dyed blond hair and you smirk when she turns and looks at you with lowered lashes and then you slowly make your way towards her.

She's easy, far too easy, you think as you pay for your drinks as well as hers and move towards the exit the girl hanging on to your arm. She acts coy and cute and you find that kind of charming but once you're out on the street and she is seated comfortably in the passenger seat of your  _Lexus_ is when she actually gets down to action as she licks your neck and blows you while you're driving. That night is the first time you sleep with a woman.

And so the pattern begins.

You've got the money, the scintillating dark Uchiha looks, the class that most people would kill to have, that dark aura most girls and many boys find attractive and most importantly you're someone showing interest now.

A week into it, with a different person every night, you realize it is not working.

You glance at the person under you and touch the small spiky hair, though the hairstyle may be similar but the texture is nowhere near. This man has course hair dyed yellow while Naruto's hair are naturally blond, soft and fluffy which just make you want to run your hand over and over through them unlike this guy's. He opens his eyes as he moans and you realize his eyes are just too black and instantly you find yourself losing interest.

You get off the guy whose name you haven't even bothered to ask and just tell him to get out as you hunt for your dressing robe and your pack of cigarettes simultaneously. He shoots you a baffled look as he rises from the bed to glance at you but you make an impatient gesture with your hand and scowl at him. Within five minutes he's out of the apartment. You know how long it took because you were counting the minutes, the _seconds_ that guy took to get his clothes together and get out because you couldn't wait for him to leave.

That night, when you finally lie down and close your eyes you think that maybe foreigners are the solution to the problem.

_Foreigners who are naturally tanned with blond hair and blue eyes…_

And so the search begins. A different club every night or a different bar, your eyes only seek a set criteria and once your eyes land on someone who might be able to fit the bill, the person becomes your prey. Each night you bring a man or a woman home praying that this person becomes the one true replacement that you need.

But then again, the eyes are not the same shade of blue in some, some have blond hair that lack the flavor of sunshine, some are just too quiet, a couple of them are too responsive while three of them are completely unresponsive, there was even a blue-eyed blond foreigner you brought home who was a virgin when it came to men and the embarrassment that ensued can still make you cringe.

There was one who came close,  _very_ close to your requirements. Although his eyes were a shade of smoky grey and his hair a slinky, long ponytail of blond (dyed of course) hair which was a little dull in comparison to the color your eyes wanted, you realized a little bit of compromise would have to be made. The texture of his hair was just the way you wanted it, the boy had a sparkling white smile that stretched from one cheek to another and his voice was also a scratchy rough concoction that you wanted to hear.  _Diedara_ , he said his name was and you smiled charmingly at him asking him if you could call him Naruto and he just nodded mutely while you took him to your bed and claimed him on your mattress over and over till you were pretty sure he passed out in the end.

He is in the same university as you. An aspiring architect, he fills you in on his studies and with mindless chatter as you are both seated in the college cafeteria and he slurps up the ramen you bought for him. He is seated beside you, much to your dislike but you don't push him away or ask him to take the seat across from you. He pushes back his hair and smiles when he notices a guy he knows walking towards the table behind you. You don't look up, too immersed in your Modern Japanese supplementary book to care.

"Hey Gaara!" he chirps excitedly as he raises his hand and waves. He doesn't even notice the way you freeze in your seat at that name, at the memories that name evokes. You look up completely  _stunned_ to see Gaara staring at you as he makes a non-committal sound and wraps his arm around an equally stunned Naruto. At the sight of the man who has been haunting you since the past six months now, you try to calm your racing heart. His eyes are boring into yours as he takes in the sight of you with the man beside you and you force down a smirk when you notice the slight scowl on his face.

"Sasuke," he says the same disbelief coloring his voice as he stares at you.

You force yourself to stay in your seat, to not give in to the  _want_ of standing up and wrapping your arms around him, to wrap yourself around him and apologize again and again till his warmth embraces you and he forgives you.

But you aren't anything if not the perfect example of an Uchiha. Your brain works faster than your heart and you just smirk when you see him and say, "Hn, Naruto." And then you wrap your arm around Diedara and pull him close causing the stupid man beside you to giggle girlishly. You grimace inwardly but then it pays off because Diedara is apparently pleased and plays his part really well. You may be the epitome of emotional control but you know the eyes that look into Naruto's are desperate.

_Please,_ you try to tell him as you stare deep into his eyes,  _please save me,_ your eyes beg.

A second later panic seeps in when Diedara looks at Naruto and waits to be formally introduced to the man. A second before Naruto can open his mouth and say his name you turn to Diedara and shoot him your fondest smile – a smile you had only reserved for the  _other_ blond man who stands in front of you in another man's embrace and say, "Diedara, let's get out of here shall we?"

_Diedara should not know about Naruto_ , you think in panic but outwardly you stick that smile on your lips.

At once happiness blooms across Diedara's face as he shoots you a look slathered in pure happiness and says, "Sure Sasuke, wherever you want to go!" He leans forward Gaara and his company forgotten for a kiss and you slyly cast Naruto a look but claim those ramen-flavored lips of Naruto's  _replacement_. Once he's sucked your tongue enough for effect without overdoing it, and without even casting Naruto and Gaara a look let alone say bye, you take his hand and pull him off his seat, out of the cafeteria before the urge to run back there and kiss another set of lips overtakes you.

Once outside you realize you have another problem as Diedara shoots you a smothered look. "So where are we going?" he asks and you smirk.

Fucking is a nice way to pound out the frustration, the  _desperation_ out of your system and you can't wait to put that plan into action as you shoot Diedara the most seductive look you can muster and five minutes later, the backseat of your car becomes one of his favorite places for a tryst.

But in the end, Diedara gets on your nerves because he keeps demanding a reason for why you call him  _Naruto -_ a fish cake - of all the things in the world and you just shoot him a glare and tell him to get out of your bed, of your apartment, of your life.

Maybe it was for good, you think after he's gone as you take a puff of your smoke and move towards your cupboard to choose your outfit for the night.

It takes you three months but then it finally sinks in that no one in the world is going to suffice for Naruto. There are just too many problems with the men you pick. Wrong eye color, wrong eye shapes, different hair colors, textures, styles, some speak weirdly, some talk too much, some don't talk at all, some are too shy, some can't even turn you on properly, the list is endless. One after the other, rejects, that's what they all are.

_Isn't there anyone who can make you feel the way Naruto does_ , you ask yourself as you make your way to yet another club in the downtown area of the city.

You're making your way to the bar when you spot blond hair and just like a butterfly that is attracted to the scent of a flower, you turn to trace that head with your own eyes and convince yourself that it is not a trick of the light, that there is someone here who will  _help_ , that there is someone here who will  _heal,_ that there is someone here who will  _replace_. Your eyes scan the club quickly, your heart beats crazily, you know your eyes are desperate, that every nerve in your body singes with the fire that color has lit in it. Your feet move before you can even register the action, hell you're not even sure if your brain has registered the action at all, but right now you could kill to see that head again. You're running towards the dance floor and a second later you're squeezing between bodies meshing together in your search for the blond hair. The frustration rises to the brim when the dim overhead revolving lights of the dance floor keep switching colors and you really can't make the hair color of anyone anymore.

It wasn't an illusion, you tell yourself over and over again as you run a hand through your hair and bite your lip to keep the scream inside.  _He has to be here,_ you think as you look around one last time and just when you're sure that you stand there defeated, that there is no one with hair  _that_ bright, you spot it. The same head with the blond hair that you had spotted earlier and your knees turn shaky while your heart hammers madly in your chest.

You summon up all the courage inside you and close your eyes praying for your knees to support you as you make your way across the floor towards him. You dare not blink because you know in the fraction of that second where your eyes will close, there's every chance you'll lose sight of him. From what you can see is just a bit of blond hair and nothing more. The person is sitting with his back to you in one of the more private booths located around the dance floor.

You haven't even seen his face and yet you're so excited that the adrenaline which flows through your veins makes you want to run across the floor. Finally you reach his booth and take a deep breath hoping  _praying_ that it's the man you want more than anyone, more than anything in the world.

Sure enough, Naruto looks at you surprise written all over his face as he lets go of the redhead _– Gaara -_  whom he had apparently been in the process of kissing. You know that was your blond  _ex -_ lover's intention considering the way he is practically  _sprawled_ on top of him.

_That's it._

With strength you didn't know you were capable of, you pull him off that  _disgusting_ redhead and drag him till you're both out of the club, on the cold street. He fights you as he tries to pull his arm back screaming profanities at you the entire time, telling you you're hurting him, telling you to  _let go_. But the pain in your chest is overriding all sanity and clouding your rationality and the only thing you want to do just break down.

Finally, you push him against the cold brick wall beside the club and trap him by placing your arms on either side of his face.

"Let me go," he demands folding his hands across his chest and shooting you an extremely irritated look.

"Naruto," You say and stare at him, take in the roundness of his face, those perfect  _incomparable_ blue eyes that shine with pure anger, that wild blond hair which spikes haphazardly on his head in a perfect rendition of everything that is  _Uzumaki Naruto_  but before you can as much as lift your hand to trace the six beautiful scars on those cheeks, a hand grabs you and you're punched to the floor.

You sit up spitting out the blood and staring at the face of that fucking asshole called Gaara as he stares at you with anger in his eyes. Your own blood boils at the intrusion and all the scenes from earlier which involved your beloved and this  _detestable_ human flit through your brain.

You think it was natural for the red hot haze of anger to cloud your judgment when Naruto screams in your ear as you come to your senses and you look down to see yourself straddling Gaara's waist and beating him to a bloody pulp while Gaara lies out cold from all the beating. Your breath is short and you notice that the dredges of the anger still swarming in your head making adrenaline still pump through your body.

"That's enough Sasuke!" Naruto twirls you around forcefully and the sting of the slap across your face brings sanity crashing down completely. He has a swollen lip and a cut across his left eyebrow. For some reason you get a feeling that it's you who gave it to him.

_This cannot get any worse_.

You look down utterly defeated and the  _helplessness_ you feel overwhelms you. Here you are seated beside the  _only_ person in the entire world who matters and you can't touch him. What's really worse is the fact that the man you love is too busy looking down and examining his boyfriend, watching him like he is his most precious person.

_It hurts. Everything hurts._

You want to laugh suddenly because this  _desolation_ , this  _desperation,_ this  _frustration_ is driving you to the brink of madness and you just want this to end.

"Sasuke, what the hell is wrong with you?" Naruto asks suddenly clasping your shoulders tightly while you rest your face on your palm and laugh. His eyes still radiate anger and he glances at Gaara and you notice the way his eyes soften when they land on his boyfriend and you feel like the biggest scum on earth.

"Nothing works! I've tried  _every fucking thing_ but nothing works!" you scream raising your face and staring at him with mad, haggard eyes just drinking in the sight of his face, soaking up the heat his warm hands provide as they rest on your shoulders. "Nothing is working," you repeat and a second later tears trickle down your cheeks and wet your palm.

"What isn't working?" he asks subtly pulling you off Gaara and pushing you against the brick wall where you'd trapped him not five minutes ago. You're too preoccupied with the knowledge that you're talking to  _Naruto_ that you don't notice.

Your shoulders shake as you heave in deep breaths trying to calm yourself but the dam has broken and all your bottled emotions are just pouring out through your eyes. "Naruto," you say as fresh tears run down your cheeks, " _Naruto_ ," you whisper again as you grab his orange t-shirt and lean into him.

"Yeah, I'm here," Naruto says as he pats you somewhat awkwardly on your shoulder as a means of comfort while you just cry like a pathetic loser.

Finally when the tears have quite subsided, you sniff loudly and look at him. "I can't find anyone who can replace you," you say between sobs.

Naruto just stares at you confusedly as if he didn't quite understand what the hell is it that you're trying to say. "What?" he finally asks when you refuse to elaborate.

You sob once again and stare deep into his eyes trying to voice your thoughts through your eyes. When he still looks clueless you take a deep breath and start from the beginning.

You tell him everything. All your feelings and emotions that you were incapable of showing, how you tried to find his replacement, how everyone you met was different, how no one could even come close to Naruto. How everything reminds you of Naruto, about how sorry you are and about how you don't think it's possible to consider a life without him.

He takes in every word you say. His expressions are mixed as he listens to you. The disgust on his face when you talk about his replacements makes your insides shrivel, the pity you see in his eyes when he looks at you from time, everything is there in those expressive sapphire eyes.

You know he is indecisive when he bites his lips and stares at the still figure of Gaara. "Come back to me," you take his indecisiveness as the key for another chance and forge ahead, hope making its way through the dark clouds that weigh down on your heart. He doesn't say a word and just stares at Gaara for a long time but when he looks at you, his eyes are clear. There are no doubts, no misgivings when he looks back at you and you know he has made his decision.

"After I broke up with you," he begins as he licks his lips and pushes you away to bend down and pull Gaara closer to himself. He pushes Gaara's hair gently away from his face and runs a hand through a scar that rests there. A scar  _you_ put on him.

Unconsciously you tighten your hands into fists as you take in the  _gentleness_ of that touch, the  _love_ you see in that gesture and it makes you sick. Naruto continues now lost in thought as he caresses Gaara's cheek, his eyebrow, his hair,  _anything_  while you just stand behind him your hands shaking with the  _want_ to take that body from Naruto's arms and hurl it somewhere away. "Gaara helped me," he says and then he turns towards you still holding Gaara's head in his arms staring at him absent-mindedly. He smiles as if recalling a sudden memory. "He would stand outside my apartment early in the morning and wait there till either I chased him away or let him in." He smiles again and you inhale sharply when you see the look in his eyes. Not very long ago, he used to look at you with the same eyes, you note with regret coating your insides.

"You may not know this Sasuke, but he took the broken me and  _healed_  me. This  _me_ you see today, is a product of his constant hard work in teaching me to live again and to love again. I love him Sasuke; I can't come back to you. Move on Sasuke," Naruto says as he pulls Gaara's face closer and bends down still till his nose is almost touching Gaara's cheek, "because the one thing that I've learnt after my relationship with you," he looks at you trying to instill some understanding into you, "is the fact that there is life without you," and then he kisses Gaara.

And just like some disgusting cliché in some romance novel, Naruto's kiss acts like an elixir of life as the redhead opens his eyes and kisses back.

For the second time in your life you turn tail from the scene and run. You run till your heart hurts in your chest and your stamina runs out and your legs threaten to give way from under you. You have lost all sense of direction and have no clue where you are and where you are heading to. The scene plays in front of your eyes blinding you from everything. Your heart hurts,  _everything hurts._

_Naruto chose Gaara. Naruto chose_ _ **Gaara**_ **.** _Naruto did not choose you_ , you think as you continue running,  _he chose Gaara!_  You run and it is not till you're climbing on the metal pipe on the bridge of the River Nakano that you realize that you've already made the decision. You stand up balancing yourself clumsily on the thick metal pole and stare down at the fast flowing river. The river gushes impatiently, disturbed just like you.

_Freedom_

It's the only thing you can think of as you take one step forward and make your decision. Freedom from this pain, this desperation, this loneliness is the only thing on your mind as you take the leap. A small smile flits across your face when you try to picture the look Naruto will have on his face when he learns of this. Will he call you stupid? Will he cry?

It may sound selfish but you hope it does. The smile sticks on your face as you hit the surface of the water. It still sticks when the current pulls you under and the water takes you away.

_Away from this pain and misery..._

You embrace the choking feeling as your lungs beg for air, as your heart palpitates crazily in your chest struggling to beat and then the water takes you inside and you close your eyes imagining it to be Naruto's arms as he pulls you closer to him…deeper.

_Naruto is irreplaceable,_ you tell yourself,  _when he didn't choose you then how,_ you ask yourself as the river carries you to a place where you know peace exists,  _how could you consider living?_

_He could replace you with Gaara,_ you think but then the smile does not diminish one bit,  _but who, who can replace him in your life? What is the point of a life without him?_

You run out of breath, out of reasons to think, out of reasons to feel.

"Naruto," you whisper one last time in your heart that's fighting for every beat, in your mind that seeks absolution, in the water as if his name enough is the nirvana you seek.

_If it's not you then I have no reason to exist…If it's not you beside me then there can be no one…Did I ever tell you, you're irreplaceable? Did I ever tell you I love you?_

_There is no life without you Naruto…you're irreplaceable._

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews would be lovely!


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